Saturday, October 15, 2016

Ugly Bully, Beautiful Soul

Ugly Bully, Beautiful Soul 

I’m just like you
But I’m nothing like you
Because I wouldn’t do that to anybody
But you don’t even think twice

Never in my life
Have I seen so clearly
What is wrong
What is beautiful
Thank you
Thank you
Pick myself up dust your ugliness off

I’m here to do my job
I’m here to love on this world
What are you here for?
That’s what I thought

Try as you will
Bring me down if you can
But you don’t know me at all
Not a thing
No not even close

Alone and scared is what you wanted me to be
Empowered and proud I feel
My greatest weakness is my greatest strength
Try as you will

You won’t bring me down.

Saturday, June 4, 2016

Goals. Planning.

Goals: I have goals but am I working towards them? Yes but not in a structured way. I want to be more goal driven. When it comes to professional or health goals I tend to stay on track. But I often struggle to follow through with my creative goals. I know that adding more creativity to my life will make me more fulfilled and that I have a lot to offer in this area in a variety of different ways and yet I rarely make the time to sit down and create. So that is what this entry will be about. I want to start creating goals for myself and holding myself accountable. So how am I going to go about this. What is it that I really want to create. I have such a large array of interests that sometimes I get mixed up in the choices of what to do. But then I never get to become proficient in any one of these areas. I really want to work on this part of myself. Firstly, though I think it could be important to make a list of the areas that most interest me right now. I want to come up with a doable plan for actually doing these things on a day to day basis. It's okay to rotate between projects as long as it is organized chaos. Getting excited. Okay so my list. Here goes nothing.

Writing- Long term Goal: Write Novels- Short term: Write a blog entry daily for a week. Short term: brainstorm and outline a book idea. Next: start writing the first chapter. AHHH
tips: bring a pencil and paper to write down ideas with me for a month!

Writing Songs- Long term goals: Write Songs. Short term: poetry; paper and pen; start writing 1 song a week

Volunteering- Animals. Dogs. Nature. Environmentalism. Small Business. Exploitation. Short term: volunteer at a dog shelter, join an earth club, join clubs

Yoga- Go to classes. Become a yoga instructor. Practice Daily.

Travel- Go to National Parks. Hawaii, Go to Canada, Italy, France, Greece, Spain, Australia, Poland.

crazy- Jet Ski. Mountain Climbing. Snowboarding. Marathon. Triathlon.

read read read. 1 chapter a day.

Learn Languages. Spanish. Italian. French again. Portuguese. Chinese.

Okay so I think that is a good place to begin.
So. How am I going to fit this into my life. For starters. For 1 month I will rotate between each of these interests daily until it become a way of life.

Sunday June 5: Practice Yoga for 30 Minutes. Read 1 Chapter. Write another Blog entry.


Saturday, March 8, 2014

Individuality, Emotions, Idealism.. whatever come's to mind =]

      I'd like to get more personal about my experience as an INFP. I've learned a lot about INFP's online through blogs, forums, and youtube. I really enjoy learning from and seeing other INFP's. I don't know many INFP's in real life and so I really appreciate all of the different things that I have been able to learn from my fellow INFP friends. It was so interesting to see how few of us are around. It makes a lot of sense to me personally though. I've always felt different from the crowd. Its cool in a way because I feel that if everyone was the same and conformed to norms it would leave very little room for creativity, independent thought and lifestyle, and groundbreaking energy. This is counter culture in a lot of ways. It's not to say that everything I do is different or has to be but I strive to be my own person and to add a color to this world that is fresh.  It is important for me to make my own individual mark that impacts this world in a positive way. I truly feel that every type plays an integral part in society and we can all learn from each type. It is nice to appreciate our differences as INFP's though because oftentimes we are seen as the odd ball out in a lot of ways and our side is worthy of just as much validation.
    Being an INFP is amazing but it is also challenging. My mood or state of mind has a very strong energy to it and if I want to be productive and have a healthy well-being I have to maintain my own sense of equilibrium or all hell breaks loose. We tend to be emotional beings, feeling life very deeply. The surprising thing about this is that the average person that meets us would never think how emotional or prone to feeling we are because our emotions are (FI introverted feeling) so we don't express them as often to others. If I'm having a hard time and in a negative state of mind, it may take some time but I will bring myself out of these states with the right focus on the good in life. So emotions are ever present in us INFP's. We experience life very deeply and nuanced. Highs and lows. I have to be very aware of the energy I am letting into my energy and the thoughts, ideas, and beliefs I hold because I know how even subtle changes in energy feels and effects the way I live.
     I tend to be idealistic. Idealistic about the world, who I am as a person,  my day to day life, and my expectations in relationships. Like everything this has its advantages and disadvantages. This motivates me to push myself to be who I really want to be. It also means that when I mess up, even just a little, it seems like a lot to me because I strive for so much more. I feel the consequences of each action that I make. This makes me responsible in my actions but it also puts a lot of unnecessary pressure on myself.Sometimes I get idealistic about the world. It is tough externally because I want the people I love to be happy and although I can help them experience joy I can not chose their energy for them. At the end of the day I know that my intentions are good and I can have a positive impact on the lives of the people I care about, even if I can't be inside of their heads steering their gears. Who's to say that if I were living their experiences day in and day out that I'd be able to get out of the funk that they are in anyways. I can't control external circumstances but I can always make my mark and try to impact their lives positively by being focused and positive in my intentions and actions. 
    My thoughts and ideas build upon each other and I have to make an effort to chose which train of thought I am going to ride. This enables me to think of new related ideas easily but it can also lead to being scattered and unorganized mentally. 
      Being an INFP in a predominantly S and E environment has it's challenges. Sometimes I fit into the groups I am in but other times I just feel like an outsider, and that's okay. Every interaction, every person I come into contact with can have meaning and purpose. Another thing that is very important to me, along with resiliency. I know that no matter what I am faced with I can lift myself up again, because I have done it time and time again. From the depths of sorrow and pain, to having fun with life and living a life focused outwards and to the betterment of this world.  
   That's all for today. Thanks for listening to my rants. I'm finding this very therapeutic. I love writing! 


I want to write about what being an INFP means (to me anyways). An INFP =  Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, Perceptive Type. So what does this all mean? Here's my rant on each part. My rambles might go further from each point but they stem from each function.

Introverted: Where my attention is drawn to. I need time to myself to gain energy and recenter myself. I live in my head a lot of the time which might give off the impression that I am a bit spacey but I like to think of it as deep in thought. Even though I am introverted I do love spending time with people. I get very drained when I am with people day and night for days on end with little time to just be in my head and left alone to explore my thoughts and ideas without other people's input. Before and after I spend time with people I need time to myself to recharge. I find that when I spend a good chunk of time by myself I have a better time when I am engaging with others. I can offer more to others when I am most in tune with myself. Being introverted makes me more independent in a way. I value other people's opinions but I strive to have my own opinions and ideas. I enjoy spending time with people but I find that interacting with people sometimes takes away from my sense of autonomy in a sense. Whether it is in the way we spend our time together, or when people give their opinions on the way I am living. Sometimes I need to just go off and do my own thing so that I can come to conclusions on my own so that I can know that I am living authentically and not according to someone's vision. I know this may sound strange because oftentimes people offer insight into ways that we have of doing things but sometimes their opinions get in the way of my inner voice that I feel is a very good guide. 
Intuitive: Intuitively perceiving the world around me through patterns. This leads me to see many possibilities. Instead of being (sensing) oriented which is a more step by step way of drawing conclusions, I can oftentimes make intuitive leaps based on prior experiences or knowledge. Sometimes these leaps have assumptions that lead to inaccuracy but oftentimes my intuition is very accurate and known on a deep level. I like to think of things creatively.
Feeling: The way I make decisions is oftentimes through my feelings. It is subjective and it is based on what I value. Feeling is the dominant function for an INFP. So if I feel something, I feel it to the core. This can be a very strong guide, it can also entail a very intense journey. A lot of other types don't have feeling as their dominant function. In my experience this has given me the gift of being very in tune with my emotions and being able to feel other people's emotions very deeply. For the most part, I tackle my emotions independently. Since an INFP's emotions are directed inward, it is common for others to barely notice the extent of the emotions dwelling inside of an INFP. This can be a positive in some circumstances but it can also make it difficult for others to see when and INFP needs support because we apprehensively as for it. This isn't always true. I confide even deep feelings to close friends and family but I tend to keep a lock of sorts on my emotions, especially in front of acquaintances or strangers.
Perceptive: This means that I prefer things to be open-ended rather than with closure. I prefer flexibility to structure. I like to leave my options open instead of making fixed plans. I don't let my thoughts be set in stone. I prefer for them to continue gathering information and to continually be exploring possibilities than to have one idea that seems too confined. This makes it difficult to finish tasks or to chose which task to approach because my mind is pretty scattered and I always see how more can be done. And I have so much that I want to put my efforts towards, but I can't do everything. This makes me somewhat of a Renaissance Women in that my knowledge is very widespread.

So there you are. That's my insight into each part that makes up an INFP personality.

Sunday, February 9, 2014

Infp Introduction


       I took the Myerr Briggs test last year around this time. According to the test I’m an INFP. When I first took the test I was so interested in the topic I soaked up all I could because I found it so interesting! This description of myself was so accurate in so many ways. I spent a lot of my free time visiting various personality type explanations, various infp blogs, discussion boards, and youtube videos. Its kind of funny how interested I got after I went to some of these resources. I think it had to do with the fact that once I read my description and I started going to other infp resources and I felt a kinship with other people who saw life in such a similar way. As you may or may not know, infp’s are pretty few and far between and up to this point I only know of one personally, and so to see that there are so many other people out there who share this similar experience to my own is very comforting and gets me super excited. Also, when I learned about the other personality types I asked my friends and family to take the test. This is pretty common for INFP’s to do this haha I guess its just not as interesting to other types for us its this theory that we can pick apart and open our minds to another way of thought that we haven’t been exposed to previously.. at least that’s how its like for me lol. Its been an awesome learning experience for me because it has really helped me  to connect with people in a different way because not only am I more aware of various aspects of myself, I am able to better understand where other people are coming from when they say or do certain things.
       So I went from really excited about the whole myer briggs test to much more toned down, in the back of my mind but still an interesting thing to consider. One thing about me is that personally I am not a fan of boxing people in. This may seem contradictory because here’s a test that puts labels on people. What I’ve come to understand though, and it may seem very simple to some but even though this test puts people in different categories there is so much more variety to what makes each of us individuals. I don’t think the ultimate purpose of the test is to say this person is like this and only like this. Haha  at least I hope that that’s not what people get out of it lol. The reason why I’m bringing this up is because when I first found out about this way of describing people I went a little too far into it and I started defining people under these labels. And now I realize that it’s really not fair to put this box on anyone because it is just a label, just a description, and oftentimes there is more than meets the eye. At the same time… I still really like this test because it does offer perspective to different viewpoints and ways of receiving information and so forth.
       I plan on sharing my INFP experience on this blog. I have no idea what will come of this but even if it is just an outlet for myself that is perfectly fine with me. But, on the other hand if I connect with other INFP’s or Any other personality type that would make me very happy as well. I want to add another face to all of my fellow INFP’s out there. Can’t wait!